Ever Changing

Me, when it all began…
I haven’t had a chance to really just LIVE. I’ve thought about my life constantly, trying to figure out how to navigate through it, with each thing I’ve endured. Abuse (molestation/emotional), obstacles, disappointments, losses, and, of course, my illness. If I had known what was wrong with me long ago, from the beginning, things could have been different, I’m sure of that. Different good, who knows, but different none the less.
If I continued to look back, wishing that things could have turned out more positively, I would never enjoy anything. It’s been a long journey, but I’m learning to let the past stay where it is, little by little. That I can not change it, or the people involved. I can only forgive, accept, and find peace within myself. I’m not saying things won’t crop up occasionally. Of course, they will, and they do, but I can say that I am a better person for learning to let it all go.
This has taken me decades… I’m 48yrs old now, and I have no idea what kind of timeline I have left. I can only make the best of whatever it is and appreciate it. Finding the good that’s still there, making amends whenever needed, and enjoying the little things even more. Realizing that you can not change others. But you can change how you perceive them, and on occasion, that’s all you really need; just a new perspective.
I work hard on myself, my FWmnn, and my want to have good relationships with my loved ones. On occasion, I’m overwhelmed, distracted, and just simply too tired and in pain, yet I still try to give it my best. In others’ eyes, that may not be enough. But we can not count on them to react the way we’d like. That’s just not practical, nor logical. None of us think or feel exactly alike, so expecting that from someone is just a letdown waiting to happen. I promise you.
So, all you can actually do is your BEST. That will have to be enough. Stop blaming yourself for everything. Each encounter you have has one of our more personalities involved, and every outcome will be different. If you take that same conversation and replace just one personality, just one, then the outcome will never be the same. If you realize and accept this reasoning, you will find some relief and even some happiness.
You are responsible for yourself. If you know you are doing the right thing, have the resolution to stand by your decisions. We are all imperfect beings, so we all make mistakes. Spend less time pointing fingers and more time on improving yourself. You will be a happier “You,” even if no one else changes. I can tell you this from experience.
Love yourself first! Yes, as selfish as that sounds, it is the right thing to do. Then everything else will eventually fall into place; it seems brighter, easier, and much more pleasant.

*On a side note,
I had just attended my Palm Springs High School 30yr Class Reunion. I was excited, yet having some trepidation, thinking I may be too overwhelmed by it all. I think I’ve healed my mind and soul so much that I had the confidence and courage to just be me. Needless to say, I enjoyed myself immensely. I had amazing conversations with old, as well as new friends I made that night. My Love Bill and I went with Mona; my best friend from high school, whom I have remained friends with over all of these years. I was lucky to have her in my life then, and even now. Never an argument nor disagreement between us, just friendship, love, and respect. We all enjoyed ourselves, and I’m so happy we went. Although I am still paying for it now. So damn tired and aching, but so worth it!
Enjoy life, in any way you can. We’ll never know when our last day is near, until that moment comes. Make your existence count, even if it’s in the smallest of ways.
You are not alone… and neither am I!
Love you all 💜💋 MJ

Author: FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal

Hello, I'm MJ the purple haired Fibro Warrior. I am a Podcast Host, Facebook Admin, Blogger, and Vlogger for 'FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal' My producers and I are here to help spread Fibromyalgia Awareness and information to you, as well as to those around us. I have had Fibromyalgia nearly my entire life, so I have a lot to share and say on the subject. Please join me in this journey, by allowing me to share your journeys, and simply by following, reading, liking and sharing my blogs/podcasts/vlogs so that we may reach others as well. All of which can be found on our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/FIBROWarriorMNN/ You are not alone... and neither am I! Love you all 💜💋MJ

6 thoughts on “Ever Changing”

  1. You are right change starts with ourselves. When we make it a point to look at ourselves as we grow, heal, and change we become a better person. It may not change those around us but our growth will cause an effect within and without. We must love ourselves first before we can love others for we cannot give what we do not have. Thank you MJ for sharing your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

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