“You Don’t Know Me”


Your life started out normal enough, but as you grew older… I became more ill. I kept these things from you, from everyone, because I knew nothing of what I was experiencing, and refused to seem weak, as that’s how complaining would indeed make me feel. So, as I continued to hide beneath the smile; my shield from the world, you saw nothing wrong with me physically… and mentally, you simply thought I didn’t care. You should have seen that I’ve always loved you!
Only how could you,
since,
you don‘t know me…
Behind that smile was pain, depression, and suffering; the kind one wouldn’t want to admit to others. Especially to those that had not meant me well. So, I stayed steadfast and true, to what I thought was the right thing I should do. By staying mute and appearing normal, at all costs. Only that cost was high… it had become you.
And now,
you don‘t know me…
It took, and still takes, every bit of strength I’ve possessed, to stay present and literally alive, for you, as well as for those that actually show they care for me. I want our relationship to connect more securely, to communicate more truely, and to love more dearly… But, you’ve only heard negative words describing me, the majority of your life. It’s no wonder our relationship suffers, and I know, I am in part to blame, as I stayed hidden beneath that smile, while others disparaged me through and through.
So,
you don‘t know me…
Your words have cut me like a knife, and you continue to use them; knowing that they have. Now I’ve come to expect them, sadly, and so they hurt much less… in fact, not at all on most occasions. I’m slowly closing my heart off from those feelings, and that may leave me cold one day. Of this, I’m sure, and worry that it may happen more quickly than even I could expect. If you only knew how close you’ve come to making me give up on life… my life.
But,
once again,
you don‘t know me…
I will never again be shocked by anything that comes my way. I’ve tried to apologize, empathize, and help you realize that I’ve been ill nearly my entire life. How I did the best that I could. That I thought I was protecting you both. Most of all, I NEVER stopped loving you! You have been more cruel to me than I could ever have deserved. And I don’t understand how you can’t see it, even feel it? Nor how you are so oblivious to the fact that you’re only repeating what you’ve heard.
Simply because,
you don‘t know me…

So this is my last request, in hopes that you will actually give us a chance. Because who I am, and the pain and suffering I’ve endured, came from a man, who not only took my childhood innocence, but is also the cause of my illnesses… Fibromyalgia, depression, PTSD, anxiety, and more; because of my tender age at that time, I was literally scarred for life. If you could only see that, then we could begin to heal. So we may then listen to each other through understanding and compassion instead of defensiveness and accusations. But, if you simply choose to think I wanted to be this way, that I’m a bad person, and that life’s just been a “fairytale” for me… you’ll be sadly mistaken and will have missed out on all of my love that I had for you. And then, when someone asks you, “What was she like?” What will you have to say?
Nothing…
You’re too late…
You didn‘t care enough,
to know me.
Mom/MJ
*This illness has cost me what I love most … my sons!
You are not alone! Love you all 💜💋 MJ
FWmnn FB link: https://www.facebook.com/FIBROWarriorMNN/

Author: FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal

Hello, I'm MJ the purple haired Fibro Warrior. I am a Podcast Host, Facebook Admin, Blogger, and Vlogger for 'FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal' My producers and I are here to help spread Fibromyalgia Awareness and information to you, as well as to those around us. I have had Fibromyalgia nearly my entire life, so I have a lot to share and say on the subject. Please join me in this journey, by allowing me to share your journeys, and simply by following, reading, liking and sharing my blogs/podcasts/vlogs so that we may reach others as well. All of which can be found on our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/FIBROWarriorMNN/ You are not alone... and neither am I! Love you all 💜💋MJ View all posts by FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal