Just trying to be Happy, that’s such a huge task to achieve! You’d think that being happy should come easily? It doesn’t… and the impact it has on you, and especially those around you, is immeasurable. You may spend your entire lifetime trying to accomplish it and pleasing others. Just when you think it is within your grasp, it gets ripped away by a tornado. Because all that can be seen in you is their disappointments. They are blinded by it! Because of that, they are unable to see nor appreciate how much you love them, have grown, changed, accomplished, throughout all of the obstacles thrown at you!
I, too, have been guilty of this, but the difference is… I‘m trying! I’m learning to see the good, and I’m trying to better MYSELF! I’ve had less support than some, and that means more effort has to be put into who I am. That makes me selfish in a sense, yes, but think of it this way… For example: when you’re on a flight, they give you safety instructions. One being, “Please put the oxygen mask on yourself before attempting to help others.” There’s a reason for that! Think about it… If you can’t breathe, then you will be unable to help anyone else! So, if you are unable to love and improve yourself, how can you give anything but disappointment to another? While you are still struggling with it all on your own!
So finally, you are almost there. You’re feeling better about who you are, understanding what’s happened to you, around you, and why/how things turned out the way they have. It’s what some call “the Domino effect“, and what happens to our parent(s), will most likely have a direct impact on “us” their children, and then “you” on your children… and so on and so forth. Now, add your illness, how it manifested, and then you have the “Aha” moment! Everything becomes clearer. Life begins to move more smoothly. You can feel yourself healing, little by little. You feel like you’re reaching an understanding with at least one of your loved ones, if not more… Then, the unexpected happens, and that Happy feeling turns Dark in an instant. Only the ones you love with all of your heart can have just such an impact on you. As much as you want them to know they are loved and supported beyond measure, you can not force them to understand it. They are still struggling with their own shortcomings, and you’re to blame. So you attempt to help them understand you, the struggles, the illness, family life growing up, and thus hoping that they will, in turn, understand themselves. Although you tried to be and do your best, you had shortcomings as well. Your toolset wasn’t complete… it was missing several key components, important tools… and having good health was one of those major missing tools!
Finally, to your alarm and surprise, you’re told that basically, “It‘s all only about you. That nothing you say, nor do, will matter. It’s too late!” What!?! Although they are right about some things… you stumbled, failed, faltered, mistepped, and were less than perfect. You tried your best! You kept trying, and you’re still trying! That should count for something because you are truly coming to grips with this crappy illness and the life you’ve been forced to lead. That you’re trying to be positive while also helping others, and thought that you were making them, your family, proud!
So, here’s the thing… It’s NEVER too late! Saying it’s too late means you’ve given up and/or that this person means nothing to you now. So what do you do? Do you believe them when they say it’s too late and just give up? Or do you continue to do what you’re doing… staying positive, finding purpose, and trying to help them see/feel the “Aha” moment you’ve come to experience? Well, I’m going to continue on my journey, knowing I’m doing, and have done, the very best I could, with the cards I was dealt in life. And believe that I will help them to heal, feel better about themselves, and “Us” someday soon…
My heart is immense, strong, and open, but my health is an obstacle, in which I’m learning to contain, comprehend, and succumb to my will.
Stay strong with me, my fellow Fibro Warriors!
You are not alone! Love you all 💜💋 MJ
FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal
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